About 2010.

Twenty. Ten.

This year has been one of the toughest of my 25 years. Truth be told, I have no idea how I'm still standing on two feet after the whirlwind of life-changing events that have happened in the past 365 days. It began with a sense of falling into a dark pit, with anxiety, with sadness. It continued on into neutrality. I was neither sad nor happy. I wasn't in a place relationally where I thought I should be. I wasn't in a professional position that gave me any sense of accomplishment or worth. I worried constantly about where my life was heading, if anywhere. I was totally in limbo. Not as bad as the pit, but not basking in the sunshine. Everything was speeding past me in fast forward and I was standing as a statue.

But then, come July, the halfway mark, things just jumped ship. Did a 180. Whatever you wanna call it, they changed. Like whoa changed. Give you a bit of whiplash changed.

All of a sudden, the tunnel that I'd been traveling through opened. The light shone. I could quit holding my breath for good luck.

In a week (yes, A WEEK)...

I got a new job. A job that basically put me on the track to exactly where I wanted to be in my career. Along with it came more job security, the benefits I'd been wanting, the responsibilities I'd been aching for.

The same week, I re-signed my lease. This time with confidence that I wouldn't have to worry about how I'd pay rent when my project ended abruptly at work.

And just as importantly, I met a boy. The boy. The one who swept me off my feet and and helped me take all of my burdens, bundle them up, and throw them away. The one who has shown me what I was looking for in a partner when I didn't even know what exactly I wanted.

It's ironic that this has been the year that has been filled with both the hardest obstacles to hurdle and the sweetest rewards. But after looking at it in hindsight, I realize that I've also filled this year with the most passion. Passion for love, passion for success, passion for life. Because of the hurt and the feeling of stillness, this fire lit under me and I delved into making myself the best she could be. I think that was the key. I had to concentrate on just me for a while before I was to be blessed with anything else. I'm not saying that my actions had anything to do with my great fortune in the past 6 months, but I do know that it's helped me to be more appreciative and perceptive about even the small things.

Isn't it funny when you add such a thing as passion to the recipe, things kind of work out for the best?

So, my new year's resolution for 2011 is this. To live even more passionately. To love the people around me with a burning fire. To give myself to my job in its entirety during working hours. To reserve my free time for God, for myself, and for others. To make the most out of the 365 days of 2011 that I hope I'm fortunate enough to be blessed with. I want to look back at the end of each year as I do 2010. I want to be proud and to be thankful and to smile at even the heartbreak because I know that each small, minute little step helped me to be where I am right this moment. Exactly where I belong.