Why yes I will do it myself thanks...

I never pick the right time to make the larger life choices.

It's almost like when I know I'm heading into some deep, unknown water, I get all "I'm going to do this by myself and I want my entire life to be different, not just this one thing, because whyyyy on Earth would I just stroll into a new situation when I could jump headfirst without thinking that the said unknown and dark pool may be not be a standard 8-foot pool where you DON'T hit your head and break your neck, it might be one of those 5-foot hotel pools, which will surely bring destruction."

Yeah. That's me. Bring it all on at once.

One day I'll realize that I can't take on the entire world.

_______________

On a totally different wavelength, this is just too good for me not to share. She'll kill me for this, which is why I'm not even daring to mention her initials, but it's classic. Please know going forward that this lady is one of the best spellers I know. Except today.


Daily E-Mail:
Me: You have to be back from lunch by now.
Her: See.
Me: See? Did you mean si? I think you meant si. Like the spanish yes. If you did, I'm going to laugh so hard at you.
Her: I meant si. As in Spanish for yes.  And you can laugh all you want but I will once again remind you that I took Latin.  Latin which is an unspoken, dead language.Also, I hate you.

I can't quit laughing.

Saturday Smorgasbord...

As I said, it's been an interesting week, but good overall. At the moment, I'm sitting on the couch getting up enough motivation to cook some supper so I won't meet my doom by starvation. I kid. Maybe. Wanna know my thoughts? No. Here they are anyway.

• The groin is still pulled. It's healing, though. I think it might be the way I'm sleeping? I need to call one of my nurse friends. AB? Can I get a holler from Fayetteville puhlease?!
• What's up with the Wiener dog? He's under my bed at the moment, where he's sketchily been for the past hour. I think he's up to no good. He IS losing some weight, though, mainly because of his new healthy diet dog food. Also he woke me up at 6:00 am Wednesday morning crying and holding his back leg at an odd angle. Scared the daylights out of me. It was a cramp, though, I believe, because he's fine now. Whew.
• I got new deck chairs!!!! They're the Adirondak ones that probably everyone will be jealous of. P found them, picked them up, stained them and is currently putting them together, all for little ol' me :) I'm so excited!
• I'm thinking breakfast for supper. It's Saturday, so on principle, I don't have to eat vegetables if I don't want to. Take that, spinach.
• Okay, so I have this bamboo plant (thanks again P!), but I've found myself in a conundrum. I do not have a green thumb. How do people know when to water and when to not? How much is too much? Too little? I need to take a plant 101 class. But, then again, I don't like failing things.
• Ohp! The Wiener is back on the couch. Where you been little one? He's licking his chops. Not a good sign.
• Mmm. Clemson lost last night. I don't want to talk about it.
• And last, but not least, I need some July 4th plans. I'm thinking fireworks, grilled burgers, cold drinks and cornhole. But that's just me. 

How Many Different Names can I Make up so I Don't Have to say the V Word?

First off, let's just say it's been an interesting week.

It's my second to last week of work, I seriously sucked it up at softball on Wednesday, and the Wiener dog is on his new "healthy weight" dog food, but otherwise, it's been a great week. Except when I woke up with an earache this morning, which just kind of added to my already apparent pain because I pulled my groin on Wednesday.

Yes.

You heard right.

I pulled my groin. Which is basically like saying I broke my hoo-ha. And it hurts, like, wayyyy bad.

I have no idea what happened. I woke up Monday with a dull pain, but it wasn't noticeable enough to worry about. It went away by Tuesday, so I did some P90X yoga and went on my merry little way. No biggie. Well, apparently my cooch had something otherwise to say about that. Wednesday, before my softball game, it started hurting a decent amount. Kind of like it was saying "Yo, Caralee, I'm kinda struggling down here at the moment, so are you sure you wanna play softball? Because I really don't think you do." But I did anyways, of course.

Yeah, well, that just made her mad (I can't believe I just called my tooch a "her" and made her talk in the last couple sentences). I got done playing and the adrenaline wore off and all of a sudden OHMYGAH WHAT IS THAT PAIN NEAR MY HOO-HOO?!?!?! I stumbled to my car from the field and sat down (with great pain) and tried to figure out what just happened. I still don't really understand? I mean, yeah I ran some, and yeah I caught (and missed) some balls, but really? Is that so deserving of all this?!

Needless to say, since, I've been wobbling around like some 80-year-old that needs a walker, but refuses to get one.

And, also. If somebody has the nerve to ask me why I'm walking as if one leg is longer than the other, what do I even say? "Shove it. I have a pulled groin and if you don't want to know how it feels, then I suggest you go on wit ya bad self". Ha. Yeah, right.

Off to see the Wizard...

Life is so funny.

Shockingly, belly-jiggling funny, sometimes, and sarcastically, bitingly, kick-you-while-you're-down funny, at other times, but humorous nonetheless. This past couple weeks have been made of the funny life moments where I've taken a step back, looked, studied, and given that little chuckle that always means, "hmph, you did it again. I sooo wasn't expecting this and yes, I'm flabbergasted."

I've been offered a job at a different company. Needless to say, I'm taking it. My life is changing. Everything is completely unknown. I don't even know how to explain my emotions at the moment, because I'm all together excited, happy, nervous, terrified, motivated, sad and nostalgic. I'm like the poopy brown-grey color that happens when you mix 10 different bright hues together.

I'm most excited, though. A new challenge, new scenery, new horizons, new goals.

I told JM a few weeks ago that I had a feeling something good was coming. :)

The Time I Almost Accidentally Killed My Brother...

Okay, who has siblings? Like, pretty much almost everybody, so you'll get my drift when I say this. Siblings do not always get along basically because of a few simple things: they live together, they see each other everyday and people, in general, get on each others' nerves. Especially my nerves.

Needless to say, I was the eldest sibling, which gave me the power to control a lot of what the little bro did. Especially during his toddler and elementary years. And it's true, I wasn't all that nice to him but I've apologized a million times for pinning him on the floor and pouring water in his face, for slapping his arm as hard as I possibly could when he said he was going to tell Mom that I said "ass" (he never told her, by the way, adding to the fact that he's pretty awesome), and for telling him his "My Buddy" came alive at night and was going to haunt him.

This one time, though, takes the cake. And I didn't even mean to.

One year for Christmas, Santa left us a trampoline outside. Imagine our delight as we squealed and ran out there in footy pajamas to jump on it in the freezing cold. We were ecstatic. That also happened to be the year of Space Jam, and for those of you who don't remember, that soundtrack was the best, and probably still is, album of allllll time.

Well, one day, I decided that D and I were going to create the absolute best trampoline choreography to go along with the soundtrack, because we were totally going to be famous once the critics saw how we could jump, do splits, front flips and high-fliers at the EXACT same time. It was a circus act in the making, kids.

As we were doing this, I told him that during the "Welcome to the Space Jam, Space Jam, Space Jam" part (you totally know what I'm talking about), that I'd fall down on the trampoline as hard as I could so he could go flying even higher in the air (once again, everybody knows what I'm talking about).

So I'm jumping as hard as I can to get some good leverage and then BOOM I come down butt-first on the trampoline. Except....there wasn't enough buttage on the bouncy. Something was in between me and the trampoline. OMG it's the brother's head. I fell on my brother's teeny little 6-year-old head.

He got up and started running around in circles on the tramp, crying like he had something lodged in his throat. I wish you could hear it, really. I was convinced he had brain damage. All I could think of was that I might've killed my brother and we weren't going to be famous for trampoline choreography anymore, we were going to be famous for a freak accident that left my brother with a defected voice and running around in circles 24-hours a day.

Thankfully, he's fine. I think. I'm pretty sure. But I'll never forget the day that I thought I squished my brother's head like a pimple.

How Good Nights Become Great Nights...

I'll be the first to admit it...lately I've gotten old.

If it's a week night, then you can assume that I'm sitting at home, doing yoga, working, cooking, watching a movie or hanging out with P or the girls. I'm the one that has my weekly shows and needs to watch them so I won't get off schedule. Oh wait...I think that was college, too? Scratch that.

Anyways, last Thursday, I get numerous calls saying "Ohmygosh coooommmmeee to the Lee Brice concert tonight!" I thought about it, then thought about the fact that I had a full work day ahead of me and politely told them all I'd think about it.

I thought about it.

Then it hit me. I am 24 years old! I am in no shape or form old (except for the fact that 2 beers gives me a hangover now, I can't sleep past 9:30 on a Saturday and I seriously enjoy grocery shopping). I am going to that blasted concert.

So I call JM, PM, LH, DH, JW and everybody else I can think of and relay the message. CONCERT! Oh, and I feel like I should mention that concert tickets were $12 and you got a free Lee Brice CD with admittance, and if there's something I absolutely cannot pass up, it's a good deal.

Everybody ended up meeting at the Blindhorse with a few other old friends in tow and we had a blast. I tried so hard and semi-failed learned to line dance, did some sort of weird jig because I couldn't line dance and DH caught it on camera (then proceeded to put it on Facebook...you for real?), sang my heart out to "She Ain't Right" and all out had a blast with tons of friends.

So in short, I was twitchy-eye tired and headachey the next day at work, and I came home and really felt the need to nap, even though it was Friday, and spent the most part of the evening watching Pirates of the Caribbean, but it was so totally worth it. What could have been a good night at home watching primtime television became a great night of friends and fun. I call a win.

Please ignore BWand JM since they felt the need to be weirdos.

Ain't that Crazy?

So I was going to write Tuesday and nothing hit me. Other than a story about the time Jamie and I got caught sneaking in her parents' house at 4 am.

Then I was going to write yesterday and then I had to go celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday. BTW, whoa! Go Me-mother! Still driving, talking smack and looking as cute as a button.

Tonight I was going to write (I guess technically I am?), but then I decided to go party with Lee Brice at the Blindhorse. I'm gonna 'love like crazy' while people are all 'she ain't right' because 'happy endings happen all the time.'

Don't be jealous that I just incorporated three of his biggest songs into one sentence.

Saturday Smorgasbord...

This week, my Saturday Smorgasbord has more of a theme. Still a list, so no worries, but a thematic list. What Not To Wear. Let me just say that I am, by no means, a fashionista. Let me also say, though, that I am well aware of a few rules that should be followed by everyone. all the time. Here are a few no-no's that I've noticed the past few months...

• High socks - socks are meant to shield the feet from sweaty, grossy, stinkiness. They are not mean to be a fashion statement or, oh my gosh kill me, worn with sandals. I cringe at the thought of the toe-sock/Birkenstock era. There are plenty of socks nowadays that are made to slide right below the ankle bone and stay perfectly in place at the line of a tennis shoe. Take this advice and run with it. Ha literally. 
• Belly shirts - seriously? We are no longer in the Clueless day and age, which means showing off your abdomen, no matter how svelt it is, is not acceptable. I saw a girl the other day who had her t-shirt rolled up and tucked neatly around her bra. You kidding me? Who told you that looked hot?
• Scarves with everything - a scarf is super cute, I'll admit. But it's just lazy dressing if you don one with every outfit during the winter months (and in some cases, the chilly spring nights, too). Have people forgotten that necklaces have a purpose, as well? I mean, come on. Your neck can't be that cold.
• White jeans - ugh. Unbenownst to most people, they actually do make white pants that aren't jean material. Take heed, people. Jeans are blue. That is all. Blue.
• A Yes-Yes and another jean comment - this isn't so much a rule for everyone, as it is me. I don't pinch pennies when it comes to jeans. Good jeans are incredibly important. It's only right that they fit correctly, look good with flats or heels and don't do that muffin-top thing. A good pair of jeans can last years on end (as long as you don't lose or gain a ton of weight) and are well worth the money.

Any more? You tell me.

It's Very Spooky In Here...I Ain't Playing No Games and Other Disney World Memorabilia

Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag now...

I went to Disney World.

And omg it was so incredibly awesome. The four of us gracefully leapt through the turnstiles (or somehow managed to clumsily fumble our junk through them without getting caught in between the bars because that's totally embarrassing....not that it's ever happened to me. Okay, maybe once. Or twice.) into the Magic Kingdom  and instantly turned into the 6-year-old versions of ourselves, complete with Cinderella outfit and crown.

Now, let me just tell you...going to Disney World with the most obsessed girl on the planet has it's positives (yes, that's you WF). Read below...

• We had a military-styled plan of execution for our every step. Whether it was going to Space Mountain upon entrance to get our fast passes or hitting one of the better shows exactly 2 minutes and 47 seconds before the clouds started moving in. Yes. It was that serious.
• WF acted as house historian/vacation planner/tour guide/that always weird person full of random knowledge that leaves you thinking how in the world does she even know this? throughout the day. Kind of nice. I now know more about the place where dreams come true than probably 90% of my age bracket.
• She knew where every bathroom was in the entire park. I really don't have to elaborate on this, because if you know me at all, you know that if my bladder size were compared to a food group, it'd rank somewhere between a green pea and a brussel sprout. Don't judge me.

Everything went swimmingly. We hit up EPCOT on Monday to avoid the Magic Kingdom/Memorial Day crowd, and toured each of the worlds ('cept Canada, cause who really cares that much, eh?), bought entirely too much stuff, ate constantly and figured out that Norwegian people are, like, seriously gorgeous. All of them. It's just not right. 

Tuesday, we slept in, went to the pool - which had a 125 foot waterslide BY THE WAY - and drank fruity drinks while we got our tan on. I don't know about you, but I have a good feeling that heaven will be something like this experience when I get there.

Tuesday night (p.s. I'm sitting here thinking about how long this post is going to be right now...sorry in advance, but it will be fabulous), we ate at the Rainforest Cafe and did a little shopping downtown, where I got a free sketch of Mickey. That's a story for another time, though, because I don't really want to shine the spotlight on my awesome people skills, we're talking about Mickey here.

Wednesday was Magic Kingdom, and what a kingdom of magic it was. We did all of our favorites rides once, if not twice, got really tired at about 3 pm, died a little, and then got our second burst of energy (thanks to the fact that DISNEY IS BUILDING A NEW AREA IN THE PARK STRICTLY FOR THE PRINCESSES FROM EACH MOVIE. Scream!) and finished out the day watching shows, eating more, and riding Space Mountain one more time....with WF howling in my ear the entire time. 

It was definitely a trip for the books. 

Now, not everything could be completely perfect, so I did lose my mind at about the 5 hour mark of our trip home and gained a pound or two and forgot my pillow, but hey, whatever, dude. We went to Disney. End of story. 

Oh and I so didn't make out with Aladdin. For the record.